Monday, April 28, 2008

'Office Space': 15 Quotable Lines

From Entertainment Weekly:

In honor of National Cubicle Day, here are some of our favorite moments from Mike Judge's 1999 cult-classic tribute to the wage-slave ...

1. "Yeah, I just stare at my desk; but it looks like I'm working. I do that for probably another hour after lunch, too. I'd say, in a given week I probably only do about 15 minutes of real, actual, work." —Peter (Ron Livingston)

2. "There was nothing wrong with it...until I was about 12 years old and that no-talent ass-clown became famous and started winning Grammys." —Michael Bolton (David Herman)

3. "No, not again. I...Why does it say paper jam when there is no paper jam? I swear to God, one of these days, I just kick this piece of &@#% out the window." —Samir (Ajay Naidu)

4. "Oh, and remember: Next Hawaiian shirt day. So, you know, if you want to, go ahead and wear a Hawaiian shirt and jeans." —Lumbergh (Gary Cole)

5. "I'm thinking I might take that new chick from Logistics. If things go well I might be showing her my O-face. 'Oh...Oh...Oh!' You know what I'm talkin' about." —Drew (Greg Pitts)

6. "Well, see, they wrote all this bank software, and, uh, to save space, they used two digits for the date instead of four. So, like, 98 instead of 1998? Uh, so I go through these thousands of lines of code and, doesn't really matter. I, uh, I don't like my job, and, uh, I don't think I'm gonna go anymore." —Peter

7. "You know what, Stan. If you want me to wear 37 pieces of flair, like your pretty boy over there, Brian, why don't you just make the minimum 37 pieces of flair?" —Joanna (Jennifer Aniston)

8. "You know, the Nazis had pieces of flair that they made the Jews wear." —Peter

9. "And I said, I don't care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I'm, I'm quitting, I'm going to quit. And, and I told Don, too, because they've moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were married, but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn't bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it's not okay because if they take my stapler then I'll set the building on fire...." —Milton (Stephen Root)

10. "I can't believe what a bunch of nerds we are. We're looking up money laundering in a dictionary." —Peter

11. "We get caught laundering money, we're not going to white-collar resort prison. No, no, no. We're going to federal pound me in the ass prison." —Michael Bolton

12. " out for your cornhole, bud." —Lawrence (Diedrich Bader)

13. "It's not just about me and my dream of doing nothing. It's about all of us. I don't know what happened to me at that hypnotherapist and, I don't know, maybe it was just shock and it's wearing off now, but when I saw that fat man keel over and die — Michael, we don't have a lot of time on this earth! We weren't meant to spend it this way. Human beings were not meant to sit in little cubicles staring at computer screens all day, filling out useless forms and listening to eight different bosses drone on about mission statements." —Peter

14. "Well, well, look. I already told you: I deal with the goddamn customers so the engineers don't have to. I have people skills; I am good at dealing with people. Can't you understand that? What the hell is wrong with you people?" —Tom (Richard Reihle)

15. "So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that's on the worst day of my life." —Peter


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